Thursday, May 20, 2010
i hope you kept them, all that i inked down.those 500 odd words, the amateur art and craft. those works, were my blood and tears. those works were done from the bottom of my heart with the utmost sincerity. all for you.
maybe you've thrown them away because you thought it'd help you move on. if that were true, i hope it's something you regret doing because i'll know that they mean something to you now.
but if you havent, then of course im glad. ill give you a nice big long hug if you say hug me. i wanna take you to this special place. at nf. i think you'll find it nice, and maybbeee just a little bit romantic. if you ask me, ill take you there.
we have this undeniable polarity. it is not that big of a deal but it matters to me. ill explain if you bring it up. call it coincidence, but i call it undeniable polarity that thrills me.
ill kiss you if you let me. and whatever happens, WHATEVER happens, ill wait until youre ready.
<3
maybe you've thrown them away because you thought it'd help you move on. if that were true, i hope it's something you regret doing because i'll know that they mean something to you now.
but if you havent, then of course im glad. ill give you a nice big long hug if you say hug me. i wanna take you to this special place. at nf. i think you'll find it nice, and maybbeee just a little bit romantic. if you ask me, ill take you there.
we have this undeniable polarity. it is not that big of a deal but it matters to me. ill explain if you bring it up. call it coincidence, but i call it undeniable polarity that thrills me.
ill kiss you if you let me. and whatever happens, WHATEVER happens, ill wait until youre ready.
<3
jared thought about you at 3:47:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
Sunday, May 16, 2010
rule 1. Leave it to God
rule 2. dont assume = not making an ass out of u and me
rule 3. dont overthink = no retarded conclusions
rule 4. dont pressurize = the vessel wont explode
rule 5. dont force = it wont break
rule 6. be patient = it will come to you
rule 7. let things flow = your boat wont capsize
THESE RULES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE BROKEN!
i shall recite this every single day when i wake up. and before i go to bed.
i tell this to myself every damn day..but i forget them under pressure. why am i so stupiddddddddd. i need to keep drilling this into my head. quickly. it's part of growing up. it's the essential package in a lot of areas in life.
the only things you should force in life, are things you want to force onto yourself, not others. cause who are we to input the unwanted into people whose lives are already so comfortable. God doesnt grant us that kind of power.
rule 2. dont assume = not making an ass out of u and me
rule 3. dont overthink = no retarded conclusions
rule 4. dont pressurize = the vessel wont explode
rule 5. dont force = it wont break
rule 6. be patient = it will come to you
rule 7. let things flow = your boat wont capsize
THESE RULES ARE NOT MEANT TO BE BROKEN!
i shall recite this every single day when i wake up. and before i go to bed.
i tell this to myself every damn day..but i forget them under pressure. why am i so stupiddddddddd. i need to keep drilling this into my head. quickly. it's part of growing up. it's the essential package in a lot of areas in life.
the only things you should force in life, are things you want to force onto yourself, not others. cause who are we to input the unwanted into people whose lives are already so comfortable. God doesnt grant us that kind of power.
jared thought about you at 11:05:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
SICK OF EVERY DAMN SCREWED UP EFFING THING IN MY SHIT ASS LOUSY DICK LIFE!!!! I’M EFFING DESPARATE FOR SOME DISTRACTION AND COMFORT RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANNA EFFING RUN AWAY.
HOW, HOW CAN I EFFING EVEN TRY TO FORGOT ABOUT THE ONE PERSON THAT CAN MAKE ME HAPPY. SHE WAS MY ESCAPE, MY PERFECT GETAWAY, SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING, SHE WAS MY SMILE, SHE WAS MY ANGEL THAT BROUGHT ME FUN LAUGHTER PEACE AND JOY LIKE NO OTHER COULD.
ADDING ON TO THIS, IVE LOST COUNT ON HOW MUCH TEARS IVE SHED, AND THEY WERENT FOR NOTHING.
WHY DO I HAVE ONE FLAW TOO MANY, WHY.
WHY DO I WANT THINGS I CANT HAVE.
I’D RATHER SULK AND REGRET EVERY DAMN MISTAKE I MADE EVERY DAMN DAY THAN TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANT, BECAUSE IVE FOUND WHAT I NEED. AND IM GOING TO WAIT.
I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU
BUT IT DOESNT COUNT FOR SHIT
<3
HOW, HOW CAN I EFFING EVEN TRY TO FORGOT ABOUT THE ONE PERSON THAT CAN MAKE ME HAPPY. SHE WAS MY ESCAPE, MY PERFECT GETAWAY, SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING, SHE WAS MY SMILE, SHE WAS MY ANGEL THAT BROUGHT ME FUN LAUGHTER PEACE AND JOY LIKE NO OTHER COULD.
ADDING ON TO THIS, IVE LOST COUNT ON HOW MUCH TEARS IVE SHED, AND THEY WERENT FOR NOTHING.
WHY DO I HAVE ONE FLAW TOO MANY, WHY.
WHY DO I WANT THINGS I CANT HAVE.
I’D RATHER SULK AND REGRET EVERY DAMN MISTAKE I MADE EVERY DAMN DAY THAN TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANT, BECAUSE IVE FOUND WHAT I NEED. AND IM GOING TO WAIT.
I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU
BUT IT DOESNT COUNT FOR SHIT
<3
jared thought about you at 8:40:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
Saturday, May 15, 2010
i just feel like embracing you everytime. every single time. and then i would whisper in your ear, tell you how i feel about you, and that i mean everything i say, that im here to stay. for as long as you need me. i'd express my love with the words ive been longing for you to hear. ive got this speech all planned out but words may vary when the time comes. and ive got the perfect location to execute what i perceive to be, my most romanctic gesture to anyone ever. (Y) cause you're the only one worth waiting for, worth fighting for, worth dying for. i hope one day, this pathetic fantasy will turn into a beautiful reality. and it'd be more than just a beautiful memory, it'd be the greatest story of my life. by far. already fantasising the scenario(not the sick stuff)makes me happy. (Y) but that doesnt mean it's enough. i guess fantasising about it tonight, will put me to sleep with ease. hehehe. oh how i love sleep. oh im so going to bed a happy boy-man, but also, im going to bed, a happy boy-man who blanketed his fantasy over his reality.
love is patient
love is not jealous
im waiting for the green light. binggggg!!!!
if you think im stupid to be waiting for you, then go ahead, afterall, all those times you called me stupid, im sure to some degree you meant it.
cos i do, hitherto, for all time, (Y) (Y)
until you say please stop. (N) (N)
<3
love is patient
love is not jealous
im waiting for the green light. binggggg!!!!
if you think im stupid to be waiting for you, then go ahead, afterall, all those times you called me stupid, im sure to some degree you meant it.
cos i do, hitherto, for all time, (Y) (Y)
until you say please stop. (N) (N)
<3
jared thought about you at 1:01:00 AM
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0
Bled For Me
Sunday, May 9, 2010
i will never push you away
i will always be right behind you
i will stand by you no matter what, even if it hurts me
i will always be on the sidelines, for as long as it takes
until i can call you mine again
until then, i will wake up everyday, with you as my first thought
and go to bed with you as my last thought
ive made up my mind, i wont search for another, cause there really isnt anyone quite like you, or anyone even close.
unless you tell me right in my face, that you dont ever want me, ill continue to harbour strong feelings for you. youre the one, closest to real love, ive ever been.
when you do tell me that, then only will i start searching. i dont care if it pains me now, talking to you normally already eases the pain tremendously. (Y) (Y) (Y) (Y) that's all i need to get me by.
all the others before this, it wasnt love. it was lust. but with you, it's different. i am abosultely sure that it isnt lust. it was true love. i was this close but we couldnt carry through.
just because you are going to walk away, doesnt mean im walking away too. i will ALWAYS be waiting. i've waited for so long just to hear that you like me too, you holding my hand for the first time was the most i could ask for. you dont know how much it meant to me. it made every other intimate act i ever had with my previous ones so miniscule and microscopic. every man's greatest love wish/desire thingy, is to hold the girl of his dreams, to feel the special feeling no other can provide, a feeling so exclusive that he'd do anything to make sure he doesnt lose that feeling. that's just one of the 1000 denominations that define love, to me. oh the things i would do just to have that feeling again. i just teared, would have wept but justin is beside me
i just want you to know that, if you were with me, jealousy would be the least of our problems. cause no1. love is not jealous. no2, i know for certain that if we were together, i am the only one who can place your hand in mine and at that instant, feel as though im on top of the world. (Y) x one million. so there's no reason, absolutely none as to why i should feel jealous. of course i will feel jealous to some extent but i can get over it.
i feel much better everytime i type down all these things. cause i know that somehow you'll be able to read this. i feel much more relieved.. (Y)
you move on without me, cause there is no more we when relationships / whatever we had are over. only you and i. ill be waiting at the point where we first started. re-living the glory days just so that i can put on a smile and face the world.
i only said that we should move on to cover up for my stupidness when i asked you for a second chance. i didnt mean it when i said that we should move on. but i mean it when i say now, that im not moving on. you can if you want to. or we could just sit down and solve this. or not..
im ready, whenever you are, to discuss anything and everything
i promise all ill do is listen, i wont say anything unless you ask me to.
you dont have to fear that i might say something wrong out of impulse or anything, ill just shut up and listen. if i open my mouth, i dont deserve your trust ever again. cause i'd be breaking an important promise
you should be expecting a post, whenever i find everything too overwhelming, if you find that reading my posts isnt doing you good, then dont read. i just need to let everything out, and pretend that youve seen them. the only major lies ive ever told were lies to myself. and also to my grandma and some friends when they ask me how are you, and i say fine. ha.
i will always be right behind you
i will stand by you no matter what, even if it hurts me
i will always be on the sidelines, for as long as it takes
until i can call you mine again
until then, i will wake up everyday, with you as my first thought
and go to bed with you as my last thought
ive made up my mind, i wont search for another, cause there really isnt anyone quite like you, or anyone even close.
unless you tell me right in my face, that you dont ever want me, ill continue to harbour strong feelings for you. youre the one, closest to real love, ive ever been.
when you do tell me that, then only will i start searching. i dont care if it pains me now, talking to you normally already eases the pain tremendously. (Y) (Y) (Y) (Y) that's all i need to get me by.
all the others before this, it wasnt love. it was lust. but with you, it's different. i am abosultely sure that it isnt lust. it was true love. i was this close but we couldnt carry through.
just because you are going to walk away, doesnt mean im walking away too. i will ALWAYS be waiting. i've waited for so long just to hear that you like me too, you holding my hand for the first time was the most i could ask for. you dont know how much it meant to me. it made every other intimate act i ever had with my previous ones so miniscule and microscopic. every man's greatest love wish/desire thingy, is to hold the girl of his dreams, to feel the special feeling no other can provide, a feeling so exclusive that he'd do anything to make sure he doesnt lose that feeling. that's just one of the 1000 denominations that define love, to me. oh the things i would do just to have that feeling again. i just teared, would have wept but justin is beside me
i just want you to know that, if you were with me, jealousy would be the least of our problems. cause no1. love is not jealous. no2, i know for certain that if we were together, i am the only one who can place your hand in mine and at that instant, feel as though im on top of the world. (Y) x one million. so there's no reason, absolutely none as to why i should feel jealous. of course i will feel jealous to some extent but i can get over it.
i feel much better everytime i type down all these things. cause i know that somehow you'll be able to read this. i feel much more relieved.. (Y)
you move on without me, cause there is no more we when relationships / whatever we had are over. only you and i. ill be waiting at the point where we first started. re-living the glory days just so that i can put on a smile and face the world.
i only said that we should move on to cover up for my stupidness when i asked you for a second chance. i didnt mean it when i said that we should move on. but i mean it when i say now, that im not moving on. you can if you want to. or we could just sit down and solve this. or not..
im ready, whenever you are, to discuss anything and everything
i promise all ill do is listen, i wont say anything unless you ask me to.
you dont have to fear that i might say something wrong out of impulse or anything, ill just shut up and listen. if i open my mouth, i dont deserve your trust ever again. cause i'd be breaking an important promise
you should be expecting a post, whenever i find everything too overwhelming, if you find that reading my posts isnt doing you good, then dont read. i just need to let everything out, and pretend that youve seen them. the only major lies ive ever told were lies to myself. and also to my grandma and some friends when they ask me how are you, and i say fine. ha.
jared thought about you at 8:21:00 PM
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Bled For Me
jared thought about you at 8:04:00 PM
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Bled For Me
Thursday, May 6, 2010
well look on the bright side, reviewing everythingggggggggggggg. i'd say ive gotten quite far.as compared to last time. so, it's something to be thankful for. blessings like these arent easy to come by, im gonna cherish this for as long as i live. so i guess ill put a smile here. (: havent had a real smile since.. since everything came crashing down.
im not going to ask for another chance anymore, because i cant simply ask of you, what you cannot offer. that is just selfish. cause if you wanted another shot, you would have said so by now.
the more appropriate question should have been, where do we go from here, instead of that impulse bullshit "but that doesnt mean you have to call it quits. etc etc etc."
i should have just stuck to "i just wanna go with the flow" cause that's when you said awww. and when you say awww. it's always something good. it makes me go aww too.
see all this should haves.. i just cant get it right cause im impatient, impatient for change.i used to be a very patient kid. just slap me now. kick me punch me, you can even put me in a cannon and launch me.
if you chance upon this, then goooddddd, if not, let it be the unsaid last words, the words never HEARD or SAID are always the words that MEAN the most. that have the GREATEST EFFECT.
i never said you had to agree with everything i said.
im not going to ask for another chance anymore, because i cant simply ask of you, what you cannot offer. that is just selfish. cause if you wanted another shot, you would have said so by now.
the more appropriate question should have been, where do we go from here, instead of that impulse bullshit "but that doesnt mean you have to call it quits. etc etc etc."
i should have just stuck to "i just wanna go with the flow" cause that's when you said awww. and when you say awww. it's always something good. it makes me go aww too.
see all this should haves.. i just cant get it right cause im impatient, impatient for change.i used to be a very patient kid. just slap me now. kick me punch me, you can even put me in a cannon and launch me.
if you chance upon this, then goooddddd, if not, let it be the unsaid last words, the words never HEARD or SAID are always the words that MEAN the most. that have the GREATEST EFFECT.
i never said you had to agree with everything i said.
jared thought about you at 11:22:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
why.. why am i so impatient. why do i forget so quickly, the words i said that made you happy.
why.. why am i such an idiot.. why... im just so mad at myself. why am i such a destroyer.
why.. really... FREAKING WHY...
im living a life with so much regret now.
all because of one incident, everything began to fall, like the walls of jericho.
it's time i let you fly.
i know you can.
i think it's easier for you cause you told me that you never liked me as much as i did you.
logically speaking..
i sorta know more now.. what can and cannot be said.
rule no1 dont assume
why.. why am i such an idiot.. why... im just so mad at myself. why am i such a destroyer.
why.. really... FREAKING WHY...
im living a life with so much regret now.
all because of one incident, everything began to fall, like the walls of jericho.
it's time i let you fly.
i know you can.
i think it's easier for you cause you told me that you never liked me as much as i did you.
logically speaking..
i sorta know more now.. what can and cannot be said.
rule no1 dont assume
jared thought about you at 11:23:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I AM SORRY.
jared thought about you at 11:35:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
i dont know shit...really...
i wish things would stop being so confusing. that everything would just come clean. or at least, all the important details..
cause im receiving unwanted damage, i feel that im being toyed with.
i feel like im just a replacement.
i really dont know what's going on. and it's not easy getting thru this.
im tired of being lost, and misled.
when it comes to love, i learned a very important point.
what hurts the most isnt that it is over, it is when the other has started over with another.
i wish things would stop being so confusing. that everything would just come clean. or at least, all the important details..
cause im receiving unwanted damage, i feel that im being toyed with.
i feel like im just a replacement.
i really dont know what's going on. and it's not easy getting thru this.
im tired of being lost, and misled.
when it comes to love, i learned a very important point.
what hurts the most isnt that it is over, it is when the other has started over with another.
jared thought about you at 11:09:00 PM
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0
Bled For Me
